Sorry. Been busy lately...haven't been able to post a helping of bullshit for y'all.
Time for the SHITLIST.....these are items, things, people, whutnaughts that have made my end of year list for Shit that Pisses Me Off....It's not, necessarily, for anything done specifically in 2009, but, just in general.
Here we go:
* Drivers Tailgating my Ass - Maybe it's a sign of age, but, hey - Move the fuck BACK, Andretti. I know you're in a biiiiig hurry to get home and beat your wife, but, I have to watch out for the other assholes speeding up to stop signs making it necessary for me to 'guess' if they're going to actually STOP or not. So, we're both going to have to take it down a few MPH's....
* Football Meatheads - I love love LOVE football. But, the media, players and coaches actually involved in the games are starting to make me reconsider my viewing habits. You can't turn on the radio without an excruiating dissection of every...fucking....player...and....play...in the last Bears game. It's beyond ludicrious now.
Then, there is the absolute travesty called the BCS in college football. It has done the nearly impossible - it has empowered sportswriters to the point where they can actually dictate who gets to play for championships. I can't believe I just typed that - and that it's 100% true. That. Is. GAWD-awful. Think about it - the likes of Jay Marriotti, Rick Telander, Blogger McGee, .com Ferguson and Website smart-ass McGilligutty all get to parade useless, lazy opinion into the world and the rest of the voters get to extract their limited information from those articles.
And, of course, the never-ending use of the word 'football', 'you talk about', and 'when you talk about'.....I can't do this.
* The "Birthers" - seriously. Do I have to go on?
* People That Don't Know Music Earlier Than 1983, Yet Think They Know Music - I'm just about done with this topic, but, dammit, it keeps popping up. Overheard some loud-talking, hipster lovebirds having a conversation about over-rated rock bands....and these bastards actually mentioned The Who. I'll say it again....the Who. Over-rated....um. Okay. Eat me.
Of course, Iwas about to say something, but, instead, I listened further. The guy says, "the only song I liked by them was...".....wait for iiiiiiit........"Teenage Wasteland"!!
Yep. I figured any argument with these mental music giants was a waste of my time. Such experts on music that they couldn't even get the title right. Dunces.
Speaking of mental music giants.............(see below)
* Sting - I'm done with this colossal bore of a musician. Jesus. I was at a Borders today and they were playing his (I assume) latest offering of ether-producing musical puke. Good GOD he's fucking boring. It's gone from irritation to downright hatred for me. It ruined my mood. FUCK you, Sting, and your self-indulgent, smug, trying-to-be-different-for-the-sake-of-it asshole music. Time to hang it up and open that B&B.
* People CONSTANTLY Bitching about the Weather - Know what? Move. I know it sucks. Pointing it out to me does nothing for me. It's like telling me I have a nose. No shit? It's cold? Expecting palm trees to grow in Chicago this Christmas season? I can understand a couple of 'whew! It's nasty!' comments, but, there are people that just won't let up about it and continue to monitor the five day forecast to tell me how awful it's going to get. Get a life.
* TMZ - wow. I got a load of this powerhouse of journalism finally. I had only caught bits and pieces of this television show because it was on after the Simpsons and, sometimes, I forgot to switch the channel.
"Wow, bro. These guys are SO cool and just, whoa! Hey, dude, they're just hangin' out! What a kick-ass, happenin' laidback place to work! I wish I had a boss that just, ya' know, was totally all 'whatever' and sipped his drink from a big plastic cup, cracked jokes, and writes ideas on a whiteboard (!?!?) about celebrities and, like, talks about whatever....and, like, tells me if stars walking through an airport said something, like, 'what's up?' to the camera guy!"
Riveting. Thanks for keepin' it real.
* Comedy in America - It's dying, folks. Not dead, but, dying.
From 1975 to around 1997-ish, Saturday Night Live was generally considered the Best of the Best when it came to comics in this country. Just a load of talent was on that show.
It just seems that now, the talent is just so......mediocre. You mean to tell me that, in this country, the absolute BEST comic you can get to read Weekend Update is....Seth Meyers?!? I'm sure he's a nice guy, but, come on. Really? He might even be funny as shit 'in the room'. I dunno. All I can say is he just seems like the guy all the girl comics find adorable and funny and cute and 'Chicago'-y and hiLARious at the dinner table.
It's not fair to single out SNL, but, to me, it's a pretty good barometer of where comedy is in general. Not always, but, usually. And, now, the barometer is looooooooow humidity.
Thank God for 'Modern Family'.
aaaaand....that's all for now. I'm sure I'll think of others.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...in JAIL!
